100 days without you, my best friend, my soul mate, my other half.
Today is 100 days since Col passed away. That’s 2,400 hours, 144,000 minutes or 864,000 seconds (as of 17:15), and probably more than a million tears.
Its 141 days since his last words, the last messages we sent to each other, the last time he hugged me.
I find myself pretty much either in a state of numbness or shock. My pulse is often racing, the adrenaline surging through my body, in a state of fight or flight.
I am exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally. My mind is fucked – scrambled, my heads a shed, trying desperately to process the devastating fact Col is dead. I mean, I know he’s dead; I remained at his bedside after life support was withdrawn. It took 12.5 days for him to pass away. He died in my arms. I know it.
Getting through each day, each hour is just too much to comprehend. I don’t even know how or why I have survived this long.
There is so much I want to add to this post. To tell of what has happened the last 100 days. How I feel. What I’ve been up to. How I’ve been treated. The behaviour of others. And I will; I will update this post when I have the energy to do so.
For now, it’s a symbol a kind of reminder.
MFP, I’ll love you forever.